Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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