If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
