I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Redeem this text for a blowjob
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
