what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
When are your genitals available?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
