My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
sex in a hospital.. check
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
