ya dads aren't the best wingmen
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
