So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
