Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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