Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
