i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
