last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
