why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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