Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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