I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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