I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
