So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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