Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
