No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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