Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
