Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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