I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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