I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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