She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
