Pants 0. Shit 1.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
