Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
