matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
