I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm getting married
To pizza
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
