you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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