YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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