yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
