I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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