so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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