I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
