if i can run in heels then i can drive
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
