just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
