Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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