Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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