I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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