it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
