We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
