you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
