I hate your face
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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