you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
