Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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