Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
