does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Randomize
