I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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