and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
where does the pee come out of this thing
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
there is glitter all over my balls
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
