I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
