dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
