They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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