Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
