Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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